Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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