Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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