while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
