sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
