What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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