Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
