Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
