oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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