I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
