I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
