Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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