If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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