I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize