I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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