If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
