new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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