If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Drunk is not a location!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
