remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
