i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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