mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
there's paper in my vomit.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
