Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wear drunk well.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
