Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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