this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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