Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
