Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
