You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
