Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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