What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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