my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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