so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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