I CAN MOONWALK!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
