Christians are straight up FREAKS
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
