I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
