I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
