Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
