i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
