I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
