my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
