they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
