I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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