I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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