I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
