You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
