Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
