I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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