Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
