I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
