fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hope mine doesn't look like that
accomplished twins. life is a go
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
