In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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