Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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