My underwear smells like fireworks.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
