i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
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it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
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I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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