Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
