I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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