i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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