um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
