And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There r osticjed everywhere
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
