R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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