You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
