hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
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Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
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Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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