You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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