he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
