forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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