Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
