it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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