Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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