Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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