My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
