Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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