can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
