finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
